GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

This arrived in my e-mail the other day and I just couldn’t resist it. There are many metaphors describing the way Murphy’s Law works in my life. This is with thanks to its originator.

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a many potted plants. During a recent cold spell the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbour who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbour man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbours saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.

Strangers at the Ferry Terminal

I only intended to take two weeks holiday but sadly, the often talked about Rufus dog went to sleep permanently, so my break turned out to be much longer than planned! Now I must really play catch-up.

To open on a happier note – something nice that happens when you least expect it. I was coming home last week on the ferry from Vancouver to Vancouver Island and completely forgetting that Friday was not the day to travel on the ferry (line-ups galore), I raced for the 3:00 p.m. sailing from Horseshoe Bay (Vancouver). It was full.

Grumbling about the frustration of it all, I drove slowly into a holding area to await repositioning for the next sailing. Two hours to kill, sitting in the car at the ferry terminal – definitely not my choice. As I was sitting there, I began to have a coughing fit – and I mean a real coughing fit, to the point where I felt I was going to be sick. I had no lozenges, no water, no candies – nothing that would assuage that miserable needle-like jab at the back of the throat which demanded I cough to get rid of it.

Suddenly, the door of the van in front of me opened; I tried to catch the eye of the driver as he got out. No luck. Fortunately, it was not long before he re-appeared and I waved to him. Just as I was getting out of the car to meet him he was there, and I explained my plight.

“Sorry to bother you,” I said, trying to suppress yet another cough, “but do you have any candies or anything to help my cough?”

“Nothing,” he replied sympathetically, ‘but wait a minute, we do have some chocolate coated almonds – I don’t know if those would be any good to you?”

I could have hugged him.

“That will be just fine,” I replied with grateful thanks. He returned to the car and came back with the candy bag out of which I helped myself to three almonds. As he was returning to his car, he was beckoned yet a second time by the driver parked on my right, just ahead of me. Returning to speak to me, he suggested that the driver of that car may be able to help me further.

It turned out that driver number two had some orange juice and he went diving into the trunk of the car to retrieve it, while I admired the two dogs who occupied the back seat.

“You really have saved my day,” I said to the driver as he returned with the juice, “thank you so very much.”

He was all smiles, I was all smiles and the driver of car number one was all smiles.

How nice strangers are in your hour of need. I certainly won’t forget that incident.

Rufus

My shadow, as black as a crow, finds his step in tune with my own.

Eyes, the shade of arbutus in the sun, know the path by heart where we will walk.

Morning reaches down into the damp woods and lays gently her warm blanket down.

Seagulls scream for unknown desires; the geese parade along the edge of the water.

The heron hunts for its next meal with a stealthy eye.

All these things will still be tomorrow.

Dog stops to ponder the moment with pure of heart and an uncomplicated mind.

He comes to sit at my feet as I rest.

The seagulls disappear into the sky with the rising sun and the geese head back to quieter places.

The heron lifts off with hesitant wings to wait for another day.

My shadow, light as angel wings, walks beside me.

His dark chocolate eyes can see the truth and nothing more.

All these things will still be tomorrow.

But none will last as long as the bond between us.

Love without words, loyalty without bounds and shadows without darkness.

Dog, with coat as black as night, brings light to my eyes.

And I am grateful for the warmth in my life.


Nearly Biddy

Ava

The Black Dog and Blue Fly

Lulu, her muzzle bearing tell-tale signs of extra rich strawberry ice cream, sat in her usual position between the two front seats of the car balanced on the gear shaft casing. Her lovely beady brown eyes darted expectantly between Mother and Granny, hoping that more ice-cream was coming her way. She was a beautiful, if somewhat podgy Doberman Pinscher with her black coat glistening in the sunlight. She was enjoying her 'treat' after a long run on the beach and a swim in the sea - a feast of ice cream at the local cafe car park, generously offered by her doting owner and owner's mother (Granny).

Reluctantly she noted that preparations were being made to leave and therefore ice cream gorging had ended for the afternoon. She settled herself comfortably on her towel on the back seat of the car ready for the journey home. It was a hot day, so all the windows were open allowing a breeze, although not very cool, to circulate around Lulu and humans as the car moved off.

Shortly the car drew up at traffic lights, adjacent to a market stall. Between the market stall and the car stood a rather nervous looking older lady clutching her bicycle, waiting for the lights to change. Mother and Granny promptly christened her 'Nervous Nelly'.

Suddenly, there was a high pitched yelp as Lulu leapt onto a startled Granny's lap with a thud. This unexpected action unleashed a whole chain of unexpected events. Overcome with shock on hearing the yelp, Nervous Nelly nearly jumped out of her skin momentarily releasing her bicycle which fell over onto the nearest market stall loaded with oranges.

While Mother was trying to calm Granny and Dog, there was an angry shout as a precariously balanced crate of oranges, dislodged by the falling bicycle smashed onto the pavement. Oranges cascaded out of the crate and rolled all over the street.

Two volunteers from the crowd gathering to see what was going on, went to help the owner of the stall collect the oranges. Unfortunately, one of the volunteers stood on an orange which split and he slipped. He put his hand out to grab the nearest thing to steady him which was hosepipe used to produce a gentle spray to refresh the produce. As he grabbed the hose it was wrenched out of the socket in the wall and the water, which had been carefully controlled into a slow steady trickle for the purpose of watering, now gushed on to the assembled crowd.

As Mother glanced out of the corner of her eye and saw the mounting chaos in the square, the traffic lights turned to green and she decided that discretion was the better part of valour as she moved her foot onto the accelerator. She didn't want to be around to witness the next turn of events.

When they arrived home, Mother was determined to find out what made Lulu jump into Granny's lap. She didn’t have very far to look. There, on the back window ledge of the car was a large, exhausted bluebottle fly in its death throes. She knew, only too well that if Lulu encountered a fly the very worst was to be anticipated. Given freedom of space, the dog would beat a hasty retreat from the vicinity of the wretched fly - she just couldn't stand them. Any encounter between dog and fly encouraged human involvement to dispatch the fly at the earliest opportunity; a bit difficult in the confined space of a car.

The people in the market square thought they had problems being soaked to the skin and picking up oranges. They just didn't know how lucky they were that Lulu's preference was to jump on Granny's lap instead of out of the window!